Lost your son or won a daughter?

Ever wonder why women have such a difficulty letting their son go? I know that in our western society there is no distinction

between the husband's mother or the wife's mother. Each of them is called Mother-in-law, Schwiegermutter in German, or belle mere in French. But in the Persian language there is a huge difference: the man's mother is called: madar shohar, and trust me, if you go to a Persian party and say that name, you will hear stories, which would bring Leo Tolstoi's books to shame: it would be way over 1000 pages!

As many blonde jokes we make here, and as many Turk jokes one makes in Germany, tripple jokes are made in the middle eastern world for the madar shohar.

I wonder why? She carried her son for 9 months, gave birth, nursed the child, was happy to see him walk and talk, go to school etc. etc. etc. Is our world still worshipping the male to be the one carrying the family name? No, this could not be the reason, since Persian women do actually keep their maiden name after marriage. Is the son the one taking care of the mother? Maybe financially in some families, but not emotionally. So why is he worshipped? At least my husband's family belongs to those where the house is perfumed with the boys pee. (Of course not to be taken literally!)

I caught my madar shohar asking me something, I gave her the accurate answer, but as soon as her son enters the room, the question is raised again. As a verification? I start wondering. At the beginning of my marriage I would think that my farsi had an accent and that she was not able to understand me. Then I would get insulted. Now after 15 years, I came to the point that she just needs the male verification.

O.K., now that this is partially answered, my main question: Why can a madar shohar not accept to win a daughter, instead of trying to push the new woman in her son's life away? Is it as Virginia Woolf says in the book " A Room of One's Own" that women are hard on women, or that we dislike eachother? This could not be it. I actually do get along better with men, but I have to say that I have a number of very dear female friends.

I know it must be difficult as a mother to see your child dancing to someone else's drum. I remember the scene in the original movie of " Father of the Bride" where Spencer Tracey thought that he had become like the old rooster on the farm, when he saw his daughter, Elizabeth Taylor, go out with his future son-in-law. But somehow he learned to accept his new position and understood that his daughter's love for him had not changed. Basically that she would always be his daughter.

So why do we women react differently towards our son's? Probably because madar shohars fear the competition of the younger woman. Wondering if her son would get his favorite meal at his new place, if the new woman changes the bed sheets as regular....

My advice to all the women who have sons, but most of all to my madar shohar :) : Step aside with dignity. Accept that you are now in the position of a queen mother. Be on the scene, if you are needed, and try to avoid your comments about the new queens ruling. Accept the fact that your son might all of a sudden like a special dish, you had never heard of before. The most important is that he loves her and she loves him. Then you did not loose your son, but won a daughter instead.