Real Islam or Real Islam?

Sometimes I wonder about my religion. I have to say at this point that I am a very modern and moderate religious person: I strongly believe in respect for other beliefs and have friends regardless of their religion, nationality etc. etc. etc.
What I am talking about is the meaning people before me have given religions. Not necessarily mine, but all of them. Some of the answers to my questions are evident. For example, one Islamic rule says that anyone should be clean before reciting their prayers. This sounds logical to me. If I wanted to go to a friend’s house, or a special event, I would not go with filthy cloths and smelly feet. This rule was probably set up for the ancient times, when people did not care too much about hygiene and would have, if not mentioned explicitly, gone to mosques straight after walking for hours, working in the hot sun. Not a very inviting atmosphere to be standing next to one of the stinking, sweating people. So, that is explained. But now what I do not understand is the following: back in those days there was no Henna to color your nails, there was any nail polish. However, religious people from the present claim that a woman should not have any of them, before washing up and getting ready for your prayers. Where is that written? To be honest: nowhere. Based on what these people say, it would be O.K. to stand there and pray with smelly feet before standing there with a clean body and nail polish.
What I am trying to show here is the interpretation of religion in general. I truly believe that most of the rules, which are not understandable, are made up. I don’t think that any religion is difficult to follow. It’s just all the extras bored people made up to keep themselves busy. I think I am a good human, and still put on my nail polish.

Women banned from Mecca?

I just received an article about a debate and a possible ban of women from Mecca. Not necessarily the city, but from the mosque, the Kaba.
After my beginning anger level decreased, I read the article again and again in disbelieve.
Maybe first some clarification about Islam: The Koran says that this religion was brought to people in Saudi Arabia for miscellaneous reasons, one of the being Saudi Arabians disrespect for women. Girls were buried alive after their birth, and women were kicked out of their houses if they gave birth to more than one girl. To say it straightforward: It was a shame to have girls in the family. Don’t ask me what men thought of reproduction. I have no idea! The Koran states that men should treat women with respect, and it is the first religion ever, to dedicate a complete Sure (Chapter 3) to women (Sure 3: Nessah). That Sure defines the roles in the family, the status of a woman in the society, her rights as a wife and as a mother, any inheritance issues and furthermore her treatment during a possible divorce. The Koran does not state that women should wear a Tshadaor (Veil) or Burka, it simply articulates that women should cover themselves up to protect themselves. This could be based on the fact that women tended to wear cloths, which showed too much skin in the Hot-blooded Arabian society. This has to be understood under the precedent circumstances and not be transferred to our present society. Today we would simply say to a man who looks after a woman with a short skirt etc.: Don’t look. Back then it was not as easy. (These are not facts, but my own interpretations.)
The Islamic Rights regarding women were later on adapted by the Swiss government in their Civil Law Code. Unfortunately many people who are not familiar with the Islamic Law and the religion might raise their eyebrows in disbelief and ask: How do you explain how women are treated in the Islamic countries? Throughout my research of Islamic countries I noticed one important factor: Islam is Islam and stayed Islam, however, this is the most misinterpreted religion. Every country based the religion on traditions. It seems fine at first, but when you dig deeper you notice that under the cap of the religion everything stayed the same ways it was 1400 years ago. Basically Saudi Arabia did not change the way they were from the Pre-Islamic Traditions, but instead they continued with their disrespect for women and defended their acts under an Islamic defense gown. Women are not allowed to visit schools and universities, unless they have their husband or father’s permission. So how are they supposed to learn how to read and write, but most importantly read the Koran and show their male counterparts the applicable rules and how they could use them to live a more emancipated life? You guessed right, most of them can’t. I remember once reading an article that 70 % of Islamic women are illiterate. Now, adding two plus two makes the everything very clear: Those men do not want their women to know how to fight for their Islamic rights, this way men can say and do whatever they want to the women and say that this is God’s will and it’s written in the Koran.
In my opinion this is sad, frustrating and aggravating. A religion, which was supposed to be modern and forward looking, ended up as a misinterpreted and ancient thinking one.
I truly believe that in front of our Creator (which in my eyes does not make a difference how you do want to call him) all of us are equal, regardless of our age, beauty, or gender.
If Saudi Arabia decides to publicly ban women from the Kaba, their government truly shows how un-Islamic they are.

Lost your son or won a daughter?

Ever wonder why women have such a difficulty letting their son go? I know that in our western society there is no distinction

between the husband's mother or the wife's mother. Each of them is called Mother-in-law, Schwiegermutter in German, or belle mere in French. But in the Persian language there is a huge difference: the man's mother is called: madar shohar, and trust me, if you go to a Persian party and say that name, you will hear stories, which would bring Leo Tolstoi's books to shame: it would be way over 1000 pages!

As many blonde jokes we make here, and as many Turk jokes one makes in Germany, tripple jokes are made in the middle eastern world for the madar shohar.

I wonder why? She carried her son for 9 months, gave birth, nursed the child, was happy to see him walk and talk, go to school etc. etc. etc. Is our world still worshipping the male to be the one carrying the family name? No, this could not be the reason, since Persian women do actually keep their maiden name after marriage. Is the son the one taking care of the mother? Maybe financially in some families, but not emotionally. So why is he worshipped? At least my husband's family belongs to those where the house is perfumed with the boys pee. (Of course not to be taken literally!)

I caught my madar shohar asking me something, I gave her the accurate answer, but as soon as her son enters the room, the question is raised again. As a verification? I start wondering. At the beginning of my marriage I would think that my farsi had an accent and that she was not able to understand me. Then I would get insulted. Now after 15 years, I came to the point that she just needs the male verification.

O.K., now that this is partially answered, my main question: Why can a madar shohar not accept to win a daughter, instead of trying to push the new woman in her son's life away? Is it as Virginia Woolf says in the book " A Room of One's Own" that women are hard on women, or that we dislike eachother? This could not be it. I actually do get along better with men, but I have to say that I have a number of very dear female friends.

I know it must be difficult as a mother to see your child dancing to someone else's drum. I remember the scene in the original movie of " Father of the Bride" where Spencer Tracey thought that he had become like the old rooster on the farm, when he saw his daughter, Elizabeth Taylor, go out with his future son-in-law. But somehow he learned to accept his new position and understood that his daughter's love for him had not changed. Basically that she would always be his daughter.

So why do we women react differently towards our son's? Probably because madar shohars fear the competition of the younger woman. Wondering if her son would get his favorite meal at his new place, if the new woman changes the bed sheets as regular....

My advice to all the women who have sons, but most of all to my madar shohar :) : Step aside with dignity. Accept that you are now in the position of a queen mother. Be on the scene, if you are needed, and try to avoid your comments about the new queens ruling. Accept the fact that your son might all of a sudden like a special dish, you had never heard of before. The most important is that he loves her and she loves him. Then you did not loose your son, but won a daughter instead.